Will I ever see her again 2

I can still remember the way the sky was so blue it made you stop and wonder if you switched planets, I can still remember how my heart beat so hard I wondered if at 23 I was about to have a heart attack, I remember how her hair brushed against my face and the perfume wafted up into my brain intoxicating me beyond belief making it hard to keep the wheel straight at 80 miles per hour on i-25 blasting from Monument back down to Colorado Springs. How long does it take to fall in love? I mean really fall in love, the kind that you might experience once in a lifetime? Yea don’t feel bad I don’t know the answer either except I don’t think time has anything to do with it.

You experience so much yet know so little about them… She leaned over and said “Hey I Love you too”, it still rings in my head, maybe this article will suppress that somewhat. What happened in between the beginning and the end is powerful enough, however this is a blog and I could write a book about the moments in which I lost my sense of reality and those times where bliss couldn’t even describe the way I felt about that girl. I knew it was over when she flew to California for the divorce hearing, yes I know, why? Well I knew she had some issues with trying to recreate her past in our relationship. I can remember one time she called me Brian.. His name. Yep. I know. Hindsight is 20/20. I remember when she left with her parents, the last hug and kiss that actually meant something. The part that threw a red flag in my face is the anxiousness I sensed before she left. It was all too much. I remember we were just sitting on the bed one afternoon within a day or two of her return, in our two bedroom luxury apartment near Denver, I could always tell when she was in a mood and could usually find out why. This time was different, this time she sighed and said I can’t do this anymore, we’re living in sin and I think it’d be best if you moved into the second bedroom.

Me at 23 did not even comprehend this, all I knew is I was sick of having the religion card pulled on me and this time became an ultimatum. I said “I won’t move into the second bedroom I’d just move out”. I forgot to mention during this conversation her parents were staying with us from Nebraska and I’m sure they loved to hear it. Her mother Charolette dispised me beyond my comprehension. We live and learn and crash and burn until it’s our turn again, that’s a good summary of how I look back on that moment. So after a one sided argument I knew I wouldn’t win I left. I went and sat at Starbucks with my laptop and looked at apartments for rent on Craigslist. I ended up coming back around midnight after all of this and went to work as usual exhausted at 4am to work my 12 hour shift to turn over all my money for bills like I always did, she couldn’t get any modeling gigs since California or just didn’t try, I don’t know. Around 3 in the afternoon she calls me- I think oh she must be calling to apologize which was usually how something like this would resolve its self. Instead she said her parents had packed all of my things and sat it outside. Yes I was a co signer on the lease but I didn’t know how that stuff worked back then. I of course left work 40 miles away and got home as soon as I could and sure enough it was all out in her parents Suv and truck waiting for me to unload. I couldn’t see past the tears, she wouldn’t come to the door or say goodbye, her dad came out and said he wished I could have been part of the family. Ha, he was a pedophile against Mandy and her sister when they were kids so I never listened to him. I never saw her again. To this day she has never reached out to me and I’ve gotten used to that, I still don’t understand why but I wouldn’t have made it to where I am if I was still tied to those days. Do I wish I could cram my success down her parents throats? Of course, some things are better left unsaid. One day your zero to ninety in ten seconds then your engine blows, that’s about right.


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